"But my child, I still love you."

So, I was thinking, and i don't know why you died for me, why you blessed me with all I have, why you are with me through everything I little thing that I do. Yes sometimes i seem nice, and sometimes I do nice things. But i fail so many times.
"But my child, I still love you."
But i only sometimes serve others although I try so hard. And only sometimes - but rarely -do I live as Jesus Christ lived.
"But my child, I still love you."
But sometimes I am bitter, sometimes I get too angry, so angry and scream at the top of my lungs, and sometimes i cry for reasons i don't understand. And sometimes i am ignorant, rude, insensitive, and careless.
"But my child, I still love you."
But Lord, I am only human, and so extremely so, and sometimes i feel this responsibility of being a Christian is too large. Too huge for me to handle.
"But my child, I still love you."
But God, sometimes i don't appreciate the things you've given me, and sometimes i take you for granted. And sometimes i dislike your Will.
But my child, I still love you."
But you are so holy, so incredible, so breathtakingly beautiful, so perfect. And i am no where near perfect.
"But my child, I still love you."
I don't understand that. I don't always understand you, even though i try. And i don't think i'll ever truly understand you. And I love you for loving me, but even my love is inperfect. Oh Lord, I will try to serve you and live how you want me to live. But Lord if I continue to fail...
"My Child, I will always love you."

"I have increased the breadth of your shoulders so that you can carry all that I have for you to carry." Such excitement I carried when these words were first shared. Such hope, such amazement. But.. the more i carry the bigger the weight. I fear I can't carry that weight. Too many things, to many faces and cries, and frustrations weigh on my heart.
Sometimes I wish i was just a very simple girl who had very simple thoughts. Thoughts about flowers, and how i was going to decorate my room, and what i was going to wear. Thoughts of boys that i liked and thoughts of what i was going to do that night. Sometimes i wish i could write songs so easily and not worry about the message i was portraying. Sometimes i wish i could tell people my thoughts and how i felt without fearing what they would think. Sometimes I wish I didn't have to carry all this weight on my shoulders.
I am so sad for this world, and recently have been moved to tears, there is too much, too much pain here. And i know that i shouldn't focus on the suffering, on the saddness, and i know that with the saddness comes true joy. But... why do some people have to go through so much, and others so little. Why do i have a perfect beyond perfect life, and others live in absolute hell. My heart cries out for these people. For these orphans, for the widows, these poor, these hopeless. How my heart longs to be with Gheorghe, one of the beautiful babies i met in Romania. How I long to hold him, kiss his cheeks and tell him that he is loved. How it hurts to think that i can't, and that they've given up on him for the second time.
Sometimes i just wish i was a very simple girl with very simple thoughts. But Lord you have made me who I am, so teach me how to handle these things.