Lord, make me an instrument of Your peace. where there is hatred let me sow love, where there is injury let me sow pardon, where there is doubt let me sow faith, where there is despair let me give hope, where there is darkness let me give light, Where there is sadness let me give joy. O Divine Master, grant that I may not try to be comforted but to comfort, not try to be understood but to understand, not try to be loved but to love. Because it is in giving that we receive, it is in forgiving that we are forgiven, and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.

-St. Francis of Assissi

and so i weep

My soul is weeping tonight. Not for my life or the troubles i face, but for those around me.
I can't complain about my personal life, i have everything anyone could need. But it seems that so many around me are in or entering into a place of brokeness and fraility. Sometimes i wonder why i can't be happy, and content and satisfied, even with my own life, but i think i have come to realize that as long as there are people i can see around me that are hurting, as long as there are people around me who are broken, as long as their are people around me that are weeping, my soul too will weep. Maybe its just something about entering into a place of true community with other people, maybe its just something about true humaness and its need to try to help others who are crying out, maybe when I began entering into fellowship with Jesus I also began entering into the heart of God. But whatever the reason, my soul weeps. So Lord, i offer you my humble prayers, begging you to reveal, heal, and save....
I fear this seems like a soulless post, or a crazy evangangelical cry for more souls for Christ, really i'm just trying to write my heart out right now, and also ask for prayers. I don't want to post my prayer requests, but please, if you would like to pray with me you can e-mail me and i will gladly share my sorrows.
love Cait
caitlin.wood@hotmail.com

Do you remember?

sometimes i have a difficult time letting go. Letting go of a time that was so magical that sometimes when i think back, its hard to believe it really existed. With music, dancing, campfires, roadtrips, dreams shared, passions explored, memories made. So many memories i have to really check and think, did that really happen? They're so story book like, so fantasy-like, so amazing. its hard because at times i dont' want to admit those times are different. They've changed, now we're a little more mature with a few more pressures, and we're all a little more spread out... but do you guys remember...

• the times at youth, that we would sing until our lungs hurt, that we would scream "Our GOD IS AN AWESOME GOD."
  
• the times we would just end up in prayer because the things around us were too difficult to handle,
  
• do you remember the time we went for a night time walk" by the healey's old place, only to be surprised by christian and sterling who ran by and through a match in an already prepared firepit, only to have the whole thing explode into a beautiful bonfire, and a great night.
  
• Do you remember when we went on that random trip to and around barrie, and slept in that farmers field, and went to the waterfalls, and phil randomly broke into song at the icecream parlour in washago... do you guys remember?
• Do you remember the photoshoots, the shows, the dance parties, the laughter, the jokes, the tears, and sorrow that we shared. do you remember?
  

Because i hope never forget. I do want to move on.. in pieces. But you guys are my family, bound more tightly than passing friends, and i love every one of you so much. You are my brothers and my sisters. And i can't wait to hang out with you again.

possibly a oneday song

peace like a river restores this broken soul
and though i am weary i don't walk alone
and though i may struggle with the things that i see,
you're standing broken-hearted watching over me.

replaceable

I'm not even sure if thats how you spell it, but i'm sure you all know what i'm trying to say, replaceable. This is how i feel, this morning i was thinking about it a lot, It seems like right now, i'm playing no vital role in any ones life, no key ingredient to anything happening. I'm just Caitlin, i am who i am, i'm the same Caitlin to boys as i am to girls, the same caitlin to christians as i am to non christians, and the same caitlin to friends as i am to strangers, hopefully, I'm Caitlin. But these days i feel as if i play no vital role in anything, no main character in any story, and thats not always a nice place to sit. I struggle with the difference between humble and low self-esteem constantly, anytime i feel somewhat good about myself i seem to notice that i'm struggleing with huge amounts of pride. I can't just be satisfied, is it because i think over everything i do and say, probably. Will i stop? probably not. I think this problem is part of what fuels my passion to serve people, to make a difference, so that hopefully i will be as important to someone as they are to GOd, and for some reason i will play an important role in something... maybe not... ANd maybe it comes back to trying to prove my worthyness to God (which is never achievable) yet always a dream... we'll see, did i figure out anything in writing this? not at all... just aded more confusion to maybe your own lives... i hope not. i hope you're all much more collected than i.... but i know this life is so confusing....
so i want to just run away to a far away land, and serve, i'm sure most of you know where i'd go, so i need not mention it.... but for now i'll stay.